First of all, shout out to my son for being the cutest sleeping kid ever :P.
I feel like this is a subject a lot of people shy away from because it always seems controversial especially on the internet where people say what they want and always have to be right, but I wanted to share our story for those who might be struggling like I was.
The few days of my sons life is a bit of a blur to me, even almost 3 years on.
The one thing that keeps sticking out in my mind though, is the pounding headache all the midwives and nurses at the hospital were giving me regarding breast feeding. “Breast is best” “you will be able to do it eventually” “he will learn to latch well within a couple of weeks” and the list goes on.
This time in my life was utter hell. I felt I was being guilt tripped into feeding my son how I didn’t want to and it was taking a serious toll on my mental health. I cried all day. I was still in physical pain from the birth, and then was being, what felt like bullied, into having a baby attached to me all day, who didn’t even seem interested in trying to latch onto me, he was more interested in crying.
I felt like an utter failure. Like I was the worst mum out there. Everyone else seemed to live a flawless breast feeding life, yet here I was crying every moment and just wanting some space from my son.
We finally decided to give him a bottle to see how that went and was pleasantly surprised. He took to it straight away – no drama, no crying, no more feeling like I couldn’t get away for 5 minutes on my own and could hand him over to his dad. The midwives still tried to persuade me into breast feeding, giving me a run down on all the complications and bad things that could happen with bottle feeding. (Yep, super supportive environment hey..)
One midwife came to visit me in my room and told me it’s completely up to me what and how I want to parent, but being unhappy for your baby’s sake was not good or worth it. (thank you!)
It was then I decided that I was going to bottle feed full time. Screw what everyone else thought. They weren’t the ones living in what felt like hell, day in and day out.
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. It’s hard! At the end of the day, a fed baby is best, don’t sacrifice your own mental state and happiness because of what other people say.